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In This Together by Rubywisp Pairing: Spike/Xander Rating: NC-17 Summary: Spike and Xander adjust to their new situation. Sequel to Belonging. Spoilers: Up to and including "Hell's Bells" (Season 6, Ep. 15), AU after that. Distribution: My site, list archives. You want it, email me. Disclaimer: Joss is God, Numfar owns all. Dedication: Thanks to Ravyn and Linda for looking it over and offering suggestions and to Julie, Super-Beta, for all her hard work. All mistakes are mine and mine alone. --- Xander awoke slowly, drifting lazily to consciousness, becoming aware of his surroundings one sensation at a time. The weight of the blankets on top of him, the fuzziness and pounding in his head that always accompanied his occasional forays into binge drinking, the softness of the pillow against his cheek. The sheets were cool against his bare feet, echoed by the coolness of the body lying pressed against his back. What the fuck? Moving didn't seem like an attractive option, given the pounding in his skull, so Xander lay very still and tried to remember why Spike was lying next to him. Waking up unable to remember the night before was bad. Waking up with a vampire wrapped around you -- a male vampire, no less -- was something that reached previously unknown levels of bad, in Xander's opinion. Xander frowned slightly, struggling to recall the previous night. He remembered coming home from work, showering, changing and sitting down to watch TV. His frown deepened as he remembered Buffy coming over looking for Spike, and the argument that followed. Xander started to feel bad about losing his temper then shrugged to himself. It's not like I said anything that wasn't true. I'm not ignoring things to keep other people happy anymore. Xander realized that the pressure in his bladder was rapidly becoming more painful than his headache, so he pushed the blankets away and tried to sit up. "Where d'you think you're goin'?" Spike said sleepily. He tightened his grip around Xander's waist and pulled Xander back down on the bed. "Come back here, boy." Xander rolled his eyes at the 'boy' and said, "Spike, you have two choices. Let me get up now, or we're both getting up in a few minutes to change the sheets after I wet the bed." He smiled widely at the vampire when Spike abruptly let go of him. "S'all you had to say, pet. No need to make threats." Spike opened one eye and watched Xander struggle to get out of bed without jarring his aching head. "One of the many advantages to bein' a vampire, luv. Hangovers will be easier and y'won't need to piss." He closed his eye again and snuggled deeper into the pillows, pulling the blankets back up around his shoulders. "Hurry back, you're a nice heater. Want to enjoy it while it lasts." Xander nodded absently as he left the bedroom and gingerly made his way into the bathroom to relieve his bladder. When he finished, Xander stared at his disheveled appearance in the mirror over the sink as he washed his hands and brushed his teeth. I'm pretty grimy. Might as well take a shower while I'm in here. Oh wait, clean clothes first. He wasn't ready to deal with the vampire sleeping in his bed, so he dug through the clean laundry in the basket in the living room to find another pair of sweat pants. Back in the bathroom, Xander stripped off his dirty sweats and put them in the hamper. He stepped into the shower and turned it on, adjusting the temperature until the water was as hot as he could stand comfortably. Once under the spray, he tilted his head back, enjoying the feel of the hot water pounding against his skin, warming him up and easing the tension in his muscles. If Spike wants heat, he ought to come take a shower. This feels fantastic. By himself. Take a shower by himself. Later. Not with me. Xander chuckled. I'm panicking in my own head. That's not good. Suddenly, what Spike had said sank in. 'While it lasts?' What does that mean, 'while it lasts?' Why would I be not-warm anytime soon? In a rush, the memories of the night before came back to him. The alcohol, the sadness, the eerie detachment that seized him as he cut his arm... Xander jerked and looked at his forearm in surprise. He could see a faint cut there but it looked like an old one, not something that had happened just last night. What the...? Then he remembered Spike licking his bleeding arm -- does vamp spit have healing powers? -- and the hungry but-not-for-blood look on Spike's face as he did it. Holy shit. Oh man. That was...well, it felt good actually, but -- fuck! Xander remembered Spike sitting on the edge of the bed, his hand cupping Xander's face, eyes sincere as he said, "I came back for you like I said I would. I want you with me, Xander; by my side, at my feet and in my bed." Backing away from the use of the word 'fuck', then. He remembered Spike's grin at his discomfort and his assurance -- which Xander supposed was meant to be comforting, although it didn't seem comforting now -- that "the idea won't bother you once I've turned you." Turned? But he can't... Then he remembered the last piece of information his post-drinking-binge-brain had been keeping from him. "Don't want the Slayer findin' out about my newly-dysfunctional chip before I'm ready, do I?" Maybe fuck was the right word after all. Son. Of. A. Bitch. Starting to panic and feeling the muzziness of the hangover disappear as adrenalin flooded his body, Xander finished showering quickly. As he toweled dry and put his sweats on, Xander's mind was racing. Can't say being turned has ever been a secret fantasy of mine. Sex with Spike, on the other hand... Arrgh! Do NOT start with that! Still no time for a psychotic break! Xander hung up his wet towel and stood for moment, trying to think of a plan for dealing with an 'un-chipped and wanting-to-turn-Xander' Spike. He opened the bathroom door slowly, peering around its edge into the living room. No sign of Spike. Must still be asleep. Xander grabbed a T-shirt from the top of the laundry basket and put it on. Then he went into the kitchen, poured himself a glass of orange juice, and grabbed a couple of packages of frosted cherry Pop-Tarts and a bag of Cheetos. Xander went into the living room and pulled the dark curtains back from the sliding-glass doors, enjoying the soothing warmth of the sun on his skin. He heard the bed creak as Spike turned over, and the panic that had started to dissipate as he looked out over the balcony came rushing back. Seizing on the first idea that came to him, Xander pulled the heavy curtains open the rest of the way. He opened the sliding door and stepped outside. Setting the snacks and juice on a small table, Xander pulled a chair into the corner of the balcony farthest away from the door and sat down to wait for Spike to wake up. He thought it was probably around two in the afternoon, judging from the sun, and figured he'd end up with at least a few hours of daylight in which to convince the vampire not to turn him. Ripping open the Cheetos, Xander sat back, put his feet up on the table in front of him, and tried to plan just how in the hell he was supposed to accomplish that. A couple of hours later he still didn't know. He had remembered that it was Tuesday, which meant that he'd missed work. He hadn't bothered trying to call -- Xander was terrible at lying, telling the truth wasn't an option -- Sorry, boss, can't come in today. I'm hiding from a vampire who wants to turn me into one. Hiding on my balcony, no less -- and he didn't want to risk leaving the safety of the sunlight to get the phone anyway. But he was still without a plan for dealing with Spike, he realized only semi-hysterically -- do I get points for 'semi'? -- when he heard the bed creak again as Spike got up. Time for some patented Xander-Babble-on-the-Fly. Taking a deep breath to help calm himself, he waited. He didn't have to wait long. "What you doin' out there, whelp? Hiding?" Xander could hear the smirk in Spike's voice. "The sun'll go down eventually. Then what?" "I'm not hiding," Xander lied, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. "I'm just buying some time. I want to talk to you, and I want you to have to listen to me." He could see Spike leaning against the wall near the door to the bedroom, standing just out reach of the sunlight let in by the sliding-glass door. Spike raised one eyebrow and folded his arms across his naked chest. "Talk to me about what?" "Me being turned. Or rather, me not being turned," Xander said nervously. Spike's eyebrows rose in unison at that. "Pet, I thought we'd talked about this. You're. Mine. Hell, you knew before I did. You were ready for me to turn you last night, remember?" "Well, yeah," Xander said, nodding his head. He picked up the now-empty Pop-Tarts wrapper and began ripping it into tiny pieces. "It's just -- I was pretty drunk. And depressed." Spike snorted and nodded his head in agreement. "I don't think I'm ready to die, Spike. C'mon -- me as one of the evil undead?" He laughed, his voice shaky. "Can you imagine?" Spike eyed Xander speculatively. Cocking his head, Spike smirked as he let his gaze roam freely over Xander's body, drinking in the sight of his well-muscled arms, his broad hands, his thighs. Spike grinned wider; he could practically feel Xander blushing. Casting one last look at Xander's crotch, he raised his eyes slowly to meet the other man's. In his most seductive voice he purred, "Most definitely, luv." It took all of Spike's self-control not to laugh out loud at the sudden jump in Xander's heart rate. Deliberately misinterpreting the panicked look on Xander's face, he added, "It's the whole 'evil' thing, innit? Don't worry 'bout that -- I'll make sure Red curses ya good and proper." "Huh?" Xander asked. He shook his head, blushing. "Sorry, I missed that. What'd you say?" "The curse. You're worried 'bout bein' evil. Said I'd get Red to curse you." This is too easy, Spike thought. Still fun, though. "Oh, yeah. Good. Thanks." Xander's eyes narrowed and he sat up straight. "Wait -- you're evil!" Spike rolled his eyes. "So?" "So why do you care if I have a soul or not, huh?" Xander asked, suspicious. Smart boy. Always thinkin'. You're gonna be delicious. Spike stood up straight and tried his best to look trustworthy. "Because I like you. The way you are now - always laughin' and playin' around. You've got heart enough for the both of us, an' I'm not sure you'd stay that way without a soul. I ain't takin' any chances." "I thought you hated Angel," Xander said. He put the shredded remains of his Pop-Tart wrapper into his empty juice glass and set the glass on the table. "What the hell does that ponce have to do with anything?" Spike asked, confused. Xander propped his feet up on the table in front of him, "Why do you want me to have a soul, like Deadboy, if you can't stand him?" "I don't hate Angel," Spike said. "Where'd you get an idea like that?" "Let's recap." Xander held up one finger. "You helped send him to Hell -" "So did you," Spike pointed out. "I never said I didn't hate him," Xander shot back. Spike snorted and shrugged. "Fine. I helped send him to Hell. And?" Xander held up a second finger. "You went to L.A. and tortured him for hours -" "Oi!" Spike was indignant. "Did not! Marcus tortured him. I just - watched." Spike thought for a moment. "OK, I helped a little," he admitted, recalling the hot pokers he'd ran happily through his Sire's body. "But the soddin' poof deserved it. That bloody Gem was mine." "Whatever, Bleach Boy." Xander held up a third finger. "I happen to know a thing or two about Sire's blood and vampire healing, thanks to Giles's books. Angel could have gotten you out of that wheelchair a long time before you managed it on your own. And I know he had to be doin' your girl while you couldn't." He grinned, sure he'd argued his case successfully. "You can't tell me you don't hate him for that, Spike." Spike frowned, realizing he'd lost control of the conversation. "Wasn't Angel. It was Angelus." Xander snorted. "Angel, Angelus, po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe. C'mon, you don't really buy into all his 'it wasn't me' crap, do you?" "It wasn't him!" Spike retorted, growing visibly upset. "You don't know what you're talking about! That brooding, mournful nancy-boy in L.A. isn't Angelus. He's not fit to lick the mud off Angelus's boots!" He disappeared for a moment, returning with a lit cigarette firmly between his lips. "You've seen 'im, Xander. He walks different, he talks different. Peaches is not Angelus." "So you prefer the insane drag-the-whole-world-into-Hell version I take it," Xander said dryly. "Didn't say that, now did I?" Spike laughed at Xander's look of confusion. Taking a deep pull on his cigarette, Spike said, "I prefer the Angelus that sired me. Not Soulboy, not the whackjob, but my Sire." "What's the difference between the Angelus we saw and your Sire?" Xander asked. He couldn't believe Spike was telling him all of this. "How are they different?" "For starters, the new one's nuttier 'n a fuckin' fruitcake. Ending the world..." Spike snorted disgustedly and took another hit off his cigarette. "Who the fuck wants to send the world to Hell? Full demons ain't exactly fond of us vamps -- we'd be as badly off in Hell as you lot would. Wanker didn't think of that, though." Spike bounced lightly on his toes, unable to stand still, the sun coming from the open door preventing him from pacing. "No. All he can think of is bein' the bloke 'worthy' enough to call some demon from beyond and end history. Bloody idiot s'what he was." He looked at Xander, a strange softness in his eyes. "My Sire wouldn't have left me in that bleedin' wheelchair. He'd have fed me Sire's blood till I healed." Xander wanted to mention that he didn't consider that a point in anybody's favor, since a healthy Spike would have just gone back to trying to kill him and his friends. But he also wanted to see what else Spike would say, so he kept his mouth shut. Spike took the cigarette out of his mouth and finished, "My Angelus would have killed every single one of those Initiative wankers with his bare hands for what they did to me. And I bloody well wouldn't have been chained in the soddin' Watcher's tub or beggin' for animal blood and forced to help the bloody Slayer in order to stay alive." He threw the cigarette outside, leaned against the wall, and stared morosely at the floor. Before he was aware of what he was doing, Xander was up out of his chair, in the apartment and hugging Spike. While he was still trying to think of something comforting to say, Spike spoke. "I think your heart's bigger'n your brain, Doughnut Boy." Oh shit! Xander moved to back away, but Spike already had his arms wrapped firmly around Xander's waist. He laughed. "Where d'you think you're goin'? I just got ya where I want you -- M'not lettin' go." Xander tilted his head back and looked Spike in the eye. "That whole sob story was just to get me in here? Bastard!" Spike inclined his head politely, "Ta, pet. And no, it wasn't. Have to admit, I got a bit caught up in what I was sayin' and forgot for half a mo' about tryin' to get you inside." He grinned, a satisfied look on his face. "Worked bloody well, though." Xander was suddenly very conscious of the fact that he was holding a half-naked -- unchipped! -- Spike in his arms. Well, OK, I guess I'm the one being held, but still... "Spike? Uh, let go of me?" he asked without much hope. Spike smirked. "Don't think I will, luv." He tightened his hold on Xander. "Like I said, you're right where I want you," he teased, waggling his eyebrows at a furiously blushing Xander. "'Sides, I don't fancy you runnin' back out into the sun." Xander grinned hugely, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "You have to admit that was a pretty good idea." "Yeah it was," Spike said approvingly. "Until you stopped thinkin' and ran back in here just so's you could make me feel better." Spike sighed deeply. "I'm touched, Xander. You gave up hours of hidin' on a glorified ledge in favor of comfortin' me." When Xander looked frustrated, Spike winked. "Teasin', pet -- relax. I'll still listen to what you've got to say." "You will?" Xander asked, incredulous. He'd been sure he was going to have to plead his case to Spike from outside and would still end up dead before the next sunset. Of course, you know this doesn't mean you won't. He's going to listen -- that's all. He didn't say he wasn't going to kill you. Xander shushed his inner voice and focused on Spike again. "Why?" Spike shrugged his shoulders. "'Cause I want to hear what you think might change my mind. 'Cause you listened to me ramble about the poof. 'Cause I ain't hungry yet. Does it matter?" Xander gulped at the word 'hungry'. "Guess I should start talking, before you change your mind about being hungry." Spike nodded. "Right." He grabbed Xander's hand and pulled him into the bedroom. Shutting the door, he nodded in the direction of the bed. "Have a seat. Start talkin'." Spike slid to the floor and sat with his back against the door, effectively cutting off Xander's only escape route. He snorted when he noticed Xander eyeing the window. "We're three stories up, pet. Calm down -- I said I'd listen." Xander took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed. "The thing is, I don't really have anything else to say." He made a face and looked at Spike. "'Please don't turn me, I don't want to die'? Pretty much all I had." Spike goggled at Xander for a moment before bursting into laughter. "That's your grand plan? That's how you beg for your life? Bloody hell, you are a treasure." Xander frowned. "I don't think well when I'm panicking," he explained. "You had hours to think of something," Spike pointed out gleefully. "Fine. So I suck at pleading for my life. Does that mean you're going to kill me now?" Xander tried to hide his terror by looking at the floor. Spike stopped laughing and looked at Xander for a long moment. "Why don't you try fighting?" Xander's head shot up. "What?" "Why haven't you tried to fight?" Spike asked. He looked at Xander thoughtfully, head cocked to one side. "You've got practice fightin' vamps, why are you just tryin' to talk me out of turnin' you? Why'd you sit outside waitin' for me to wake up instead of stakin' me in m'sleep or leavin'? Could've gone to the Slayer -- she'd have kept you safe from me." Xander shrugged. "Dunno," he mumbled. "Yes, you do. Tell me," Spike commanded, looking at him intently. Xander hung his head and sighed. "I guess..." he began, and then stopped. He stood up and started pacing around the bed, not looking at Spike. "I don't want to stake you, Spike. I don't mind this... whatever this is. With the belonging and all," he admitted, blushing slightly. "I-I kinda like it, actually." Did I really just admit that? Spike's eyebrows rose and he smiled, but stayed silent. "But -- dead? Vampire? Me? I've spent the last six years helping Buffy kill vampires, Spike. I dusted my best friend after he was turned. I don't want to be one myself." He stopped walking, but still didn't meet Spike's eyes. "At least not... not now. And I didn't run to Buffy because I want..." He trailed off, unsure how to say it. "Tell me," Spike said softly. "Tell me what you want, Xander. If I can give it to you, I will." He waited silently, not moving a muscle. C'mon, let's have it. Show me you got a pair. Xander took a deep breath and met Spike's eyes squarely. Trying not to betray the almost overwhelming nervousness he felt, he said, "I want you." Xander grinned with relief at having gotten it out and then added quietly, "I want you to finish what you and Angel started back in the high school." "To belong to me?" Spike asked. He didn't want a half-arsed confession from the boy. He wanted it all. Xander nodded. "Yeah." "Say it," Spike demanded. Xander gulped. "I want... I want to belong to you." Spike favored Xander with one of his rare blinding smiles. "I'm right impressed, luv. Guess I was wrong. You've got a bloody big set o'knackers on you after all." He stood up and stretched, arching his back and reaching his hands toward the ceiling. "Didn't think you'd actually say it." "'Knackers'?" Xander asked, confused. He wrinkled his brow, trying to translate. Spike walked over to Xander and stood close. Very close, Xander noted. He gasped when Spike reached down between them and gently cupped Xander's balls. "These," Spike said, not taking his hand away. "Oh." Xander gulped and wondered what Spike would do if he moved. Wondered if he wanted to move. Hey! None of that! No wanting-to-have-sex-with-Spike thoughts allowed! Xander's legs voted for moving. Unfortunately, Spike was too close in front, the bed was too close behind, and when he tried to move all he succeeded in doing was falling backward onto the bed. "Oof!" he said, the breath knocked out of his lungs as Spike fell on top of him. Shit. "Nice, pet. Didn't have to go to all that trouble, though. Could've just asked." Spike shifted so that he was lying with his legs on either side of Xander's hips. Propping himself up on one elbow, he brushed Xander's too-long hair back from his face. "You haven't cut it since your wedding-that-wasn't, have you?" Xander shook his head 'no', brain screaming at him to move, his body telling him that he was more than happy where he was, thank you very much. "S'nice. I like it. Let it grow," Spike ordered. He smirked when Xander opened his mouth to protest. "What? You're mine. I'll tell you to grow your hair if I please." He leaned down and drew Xander's earlobe into his mouth, sucking gently. When Xander gasped, Spike let go of it and whispered, "Don't y'wanna please me, pet?" Xander gulped. Spike licked the patch of skin just under Xander's ear. Alternating licks and kisses, he worked his way down Xander's jawline and then to his throat. Reaching the pulse that beat in the hollow there, Spike stopped and sucked the skin softly. "Y'taste so good." Spike's voice was husky when he spoke. He bent his head to Xander's neck again and dragged his teeth along Xander's collarbone, grinning when Xander shivered. Licking the same spot, he repeated, "So good." Xander shivered again. He tried to form some kind of rational thought, but it was more than a little difficult, what with every available brain cell he had trying to process the sensations Spike was causing in his body. He whimpered and tried to speak. "Spike." Spike took his hand away from Xander's hair and reached down to grab his wrist. Spike put Xander's hand up over his head, and moved so he could do the same with the other one. "Don't move," he said. He started sucking the spot behind Xander's other ear, making the man beneath him moan. Xander tried again. "Spike. Spike!" Oh don't stop that feels so good who knew oh man. "C'mon, stop for sec, all right?" he begged. As Spike continued his assault on Xander's neck, he wriggled a bit and tried pushing Spike's head away. "Spike, please." Spike sighed and dropped his head onto Xander's shoulder. Bloody children and their soddin' sexual identity crises. "What?" he growled. "Lemme guess -- you're not gay." "Well yeah, there is that. Not that I've never wondered before - kind of a funny story, actually." Xander let go of Spike's head and folded his hands behind his own. "Don't suppose you feel like moving?" Spike shook his head, waiting. Xander sighed and started talking. "After Anya and I saw you with the Buffybot - " Spike growled and Xander laughed. "After we saw you I went to Buffy and confronted her about it. I was trying to sound understanding and non-judgmental... Buffy ended up telling me that she wasn't having sex with you, but she thought maybe I was." He remembered the way he'd scoffed at Buffy's statement. "I've thought about it once or twice since then, but mostly in a 'hell no, I'm not gay' sense. Can't say I ever wanted to explore my sexuality, no matter what Larry thought." Spike lifted his head and looked at Xander. "Who's Larry?" Xander opened his mouth, ready to tell Spike the entire -- and no doubt, long -- story. Spike shook his head. "Never mind. Don't really wanna know." He cocked his head at Xander, considering. "What did you say?" "Huh?" Xander asked, confused. "To the Slayer. Why'd she think we were shaggin'?" "Oh. Er..." Xander stopped, clearly embarrassed. Spike laughed and lightly ground his hips into Xander's. "S'not like I don't already know you like me. 'Fess up - what'd you say?" He laid his face back in the crook of Xander's neck, licked slowly once, and waited. Xander leaned his head against Spike's, closed his eyes, and sighed. "I said you were strong and mysterious." He paused briefly at Spike's soft snort. "And -- and compact. Well-muscled." Xander blushed again. I think I'm setting some kind of Guinness World Record here. Though without official observers. Spike bit his lip and tried not to laugh. "You make a habit of commentin' on other blokes like that?" Xander scrunched up his face but didn't answer. Spike looked up at Xander, eyes twinkling. "You don't think I'm gonna let you get away with not tellin' me? Out with it." Xander rolled his eyes and blew his hair off his forehead. "I once told Willow that Angel was buff. And attractive. Very attractive." He paused. "You're laughing." "Am not," Spike choked out, face buried in Xander's neck again, shoulders heaving. "You are! I know laughing when I -- well, not when I hear it, not in this case, because you're doing it quietly, but I know laughing and that's it!" Xander tried to push Spike away. Spike refused to be moved, however, and grabbed Xander's wrists, pinning them to the bed. Still smiling, he asked, "Are we done yet? As interestin' as your little history of denial is, I'm tired of talkin'." "Really?" Xander swallowed, suddenly nervous again. "Don't suppose you're up for some fun and wholesome video-game playing? Tekken 3 maybe?" He looked at Spike hopefully. Spike smirked. "I want to play all right. Not any soddin' video games, though." Spike bent his face to Xander's and kissed him lightly. Looking Xander in the eye he said, "Play with me, Xan?" Holy fuck. How does he do that? He should bottle it and sell it. He'd be richer than Bill Gates by the end of the year. "Do I have a choice?" Xander asked. "It's not like I could get away from you if I tried, now could I?" Spike rolled off Xander and onto the bed. "You're asking the wrong question, pet." He grinned as Xander looked confused yet again. Xander turned onto his side, facing Spike. Propping himself up on his elbow, he asked. "What is the question then, Hamlet?" In a flash, Spike moved till he was lying on his side in an echo of Xander's position, their bodies scant inches apart. "The question," he said, bringing his hand up and brushing his thumb against Xander's lower lip. "The question," he repeated, "is whether or not you want to get away from me." Spike watched intently, his eyes darkening slightly, as Xander licked his lips. "I don't think you do." Xander lay down and folded his hands behind his head again. He glanced at the sexy blond vampire lying next to him. No no no no no - what do you think you're doing?! Oh shut up. The only person you're still fooling is yourself. "Probably not," he admitted. "So what does that make me?" "Mine." Spike growled, before diving on top of Xander and covering Xander's lips with his own. Xander stiffened briefly, then relaxed; Spike felt Xander's arms wind around Spike's neck, pulling him closer, one hand tangled in his hair. Nice. Learns fast. Like that. He ran his tongue along Xander's lower lip. C'mon, open up... Xander complied with his silent request, and Spike slipped his tongue between Xander's lips; swirling, sucking, fucking Xander's mouth. Xander's breathing hitched, and he pulled away. "Fuck, Spike," he gasped, trying to regain his equilibrium. "S'what I'm tryin' to do, pet, if you'd shut your gob for more'n two minutes." Spike said. Seduction was well and good -- fun, even -- but if he didn't get Xander naked and writhing soon, he was gonna have to go out and kill somebody. "I will. Promise. It's just -- you never answered my question..." Xander trailed off and looked at Spike questioningly. Spike slowly beat his head against Xander's chest in frustration. "What question, you great bloody git?" "Way to be seductive, Fangle... um, Spike." Xander winced at the reminder of Spike's no-longer-harmless state. "Xander," Spike ground out between clenched teeth, head still on Xander's chest. "If you bloody well don't speak up now, I'm goin' to rip your arm out of its socket and fuck you with that instead of m'cock. Now what the hell do you want?" Xander ignored what he hoped was an idle threat. "You never told me whether you decided not to turn me. Yet. Or whatever. But you never answered me when I asked." Xander chewed his bottom lip. "Like I said -- not ready to die here." Spike raised his head and met Xander's worried gaze. He studied Xander's face for a moment, thinking. "No. I won't turn you. Not sayin' I never will -- I ain't promisin' that -- but not now. Satisfied?" Xander started to ask why Spike was willing to give him this much when he didn't have to, but stopped cold at the glower on Spike's face. "Yeah," he said, nodding his head. "For now." Spike didn't answer, choosing instead to plunder Xander's mouth with his tongue. This time, Xander joined in without hesitation. The two men wrapped arms and legs around each other, trying to get closer, each attempting to devour and be devoured. Xander broke the kiss first. He licked and nipped and sucked at Spike's jaw, moving down his body until he reached Spike's chest. He flicked one nipple with his fingertip, grinning as it hardened under his touch. Sucking the tiny nub into his mouth, he licked and bit it gently, making Spike groan. "Fuckin' hell, you've got too many clothes on," Spike said, beginning to pant. He reached between them with one hand and ripped Xander's T-shirt in two. Xander laughed to himself and worried Spike's nipple harder between his teeth. He helped Spike remove his tattered shirt, pulling him close again once it was gone. He groaned and felt his already-swelling cock harden further at the sensation of Spike's soft cool skin against his own. Spike kissed and licked Xander's neck, reveling in the taste and feel of the salty warm skin in his mouth. Should've done this a long fuckin' time ago. He wedged his knee between Xander's thighs, moving his legs apart. Straddling Xander's leg for better friction, Spike began rocking his hips slowly. Xander threw his head back and groaned as sharp bursts of pleasure exploded in his belly with every move Spike's hips made against his own. Spike moved off of Xander, and the brunet moaned in disappointment. "Damn it, Spike, now what?" That's more like it. "Just removin' a few obstacles," Spike said as he quickly stripped Xander's sweats off and threw them on the floor; his borrowed pair following seconds later. Xander almost stopped breathing as Spike lay on top of him again. "Nice surprise you've got for me there, pet." Spike purred, rubbing himself against Xander's heavy erection. "The demon girl's sex obsession makes a bit more sense now." Xander blushed. Something you really think I'd be past, seeing as how I'm lying in bed -- naked! -- with Spike on top of me. "Yeah, well -- you didn't think she loved me for my money-making skills, did you?" Spike laughed and began moving his body against Xander's again. "Got me there. Should've guessed." He bent down and began covering Xander's chest with licks and kisses, still grinding his hips slowly. "Shut up. Less talkin', more shaggin'." Xander agreed with this sentiment wholeheartedly. He ran his hands up and down Spike's back, enjoying the feel of the muscles clenching and shifting under the cool skin. Spike ground against him harder in encouragement and Xander scratched the smooth back lightly, wanting to see what kind of reaction he'd get. He was more than pleased when Spike growled and demanded, "Harder." Xander obeyed happily, drawing his fingernails roughly down the vampire's back. When Spike bit his nipple, just a little too hard -- not that I'm complaining at all -- and moved even faster against Xander's engorged cock, he said, "Spike..." Spike growled again, his message of 'Shut the fuck up' as clear as if he'd said it aloud. Xander laughed a little and tried again. "Spike, c'mon - you have to stop that." "I take back what I said about not killin' you," Spike said. "Less talkin', more shaggin', remember?" "Yeah. But the shagging's gonna be over in about four seconds if you don't stop what you're doing." Xander said. He bit his lip and held back a moan. "It's been awhile, you know?" Spike stilled and looked at Xander. His hungry gaze traveled across the boy's flushed face and tanned skin, covered in a light sheen of moisture, and Spike's lips curved in satisfaction. He stuck out his tongue and licked a bead of sweat from where it was rolling down Xander's neck. Bloody gorgeous, he is. Mine. Spike felt a rush of possessiveness, and smirked at the man beneath him. Right where I want 'im, indeed. Silently, he began kissing Xander thoroughly, biting his lower lip, swirling his tongue around in Xander's mouth, laying claim to what was his. He resumed rocking against Xander, moving faster, thrusting harder, ignoring Xander's strangled protestations that he was about to come. Mine. With a cry Xander came, his body shaking. "Fuck, Spike, I told you," he said, disappointment coloring his voice. Spike kissed him long and hard before answering. "You're what, 21? 22? And you haven't had sex in a couple of months?" "Twenty-one and thanks for the reminder, Tactful Man," Xander said dryly. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. "What's your point? You do have one, I assume." Spike whacked Xander lightly on the head. "'Course I do, moron." He moved slowly, grinding in a circular motion against Xander's soft cock, which began to harden again instantly. Spike grinned. "And there it is. You're barely out of your teens -- it's the closest thing you lot get tto vampire recovery time." Xander propped himself up on his elbows and let his head fall back. He groaned. "Thank God for overactive hormones." He thrust up against Spike, trying to get more friction on his cock. Spike met his thrusts for a few moments, the two of them lost to pleasure. All too quickly, Spike pulled away. "Wha -- get back here!" Xander demanded frantically, trying to wrap his legs around Spike and keep him from moving away. "What are you doing?" "Wanna fuck you," Spike said, eyeing the nightstand still crammed with empty beer bottles from the previous night. "Where - " he began, but Xander interrupted. "In the drawer. There's a bottle of lotion." Spike leaned over and scrabbled through the drawer for the make-shift lubricant. Xander felt a jolt of fear race up his spine at the idea of actually being fucked. If I'm gonna trust him not to kill me, I guess I can trust him to... fuck me. I can do this. Right? Spike squirted some lotion on his hand and looked up in time to see the flicker of fear pass across Xander's face. Spike looked at Xander seriously. "Listen, pet, you'll be all right if you relax and trust me." Xander nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to let go of the nervousness he felt. "I can do that," he said, out loud this time. "Good." Spike watched Xander for a moment, seeing the fear and nervousness warring with lust in his eyes. Reaching down, he took Xander's cock in his hand and began pulling gently. He noted with satisfaction when the lust in those dark eyes began to drown out everything else. Xander's eyes were so dilated they were almost black. "That's it, luv. Stop thinkin' -- just feel it. Feel me touchin' you. You like that, don't you?" Xander nodded. He was incapable of forming actual words now. He arched his back and spread his legs slightly, begging for more. More of what, he didn't know. Just. More. He sucked in a sharp breath as Spike's hand moved from his shaft to his balls, fondling and caressing them, squeezing slightly. He moaned as he felt Spike's fingers circling his entrance, teasing him. "Sp-Spike... God... please..." Spike reached for the lotion and squirted some more into his palm. "'Please' what? What do you want? Tell me -- tell me what you want." He bit his lip at the sheer beauty of Xander lying in front of him, out of his mind with lust. "I wanna hear you say it, Xan. Say it for me. Tell me." Xander opened his eyes for a moment and watched Spike watching him. He groaned at the passion he saw in the dark blue eyes. "Fuck me, Spike. Please. Just fuck me." Closing his eyes again, he lay down flat on his back, no longer having the strength to hold himself up. "Fuck me," he said hoarsely, all thoughts of embarrassment or shame gone. Spike bit his lip hard enough to draw blood at the tone in Xander's voice and began moving his fingers over Xander's ass. He watched, entranced by the way Xander quivered under his touch, hypnotized by the boy shaking his head from side to side and sucking on his bottom lip as Spike slowly slid one finger inside him. Xander whimpered and spread his legs wider, begging. Spike fisted Xander's cock slowly as he maneuvered another finger into Xander's hole. "So tight," he breathed, feeling his own cock harden even further at the wantonness of the sight before him. "So fuckin' gorgeous, you are, like this." He added a third and gently moved his fingers inside of Xander, spreading them wider, stretching him, wanting to do what he could to ensure Xander felt no pain. He crooked his fingers slightly and grinned as Xander bucked wildly, shouting as Spike grazed his prostate. "Like that?" he asked, doing it again. "Oh, fuck... sonofa... man... ohhhhhh" Xander groaned. He whimpered when Spike pulled his fingers out of Xander's body. "Just a second." Spike put more lotion on his hand and slathered it liberally over his erect cock. Next he grabbed a couple of pillows and arranged them comfortably under Xander's hips. Finally, he slid between the brunet's legs to give him a deep, scorching kiss. "Ready then?" he asked. Xander opened his eyes and bit Spike's chin lightly. "Been ready." Spike grinned and moved back down Xander's body. "Right." He pushed Xander's knees up toward his chest. Lightly pressing the tip of his cock against Xander's opening, he said, "Look at me." Xander obeyed, his brown eyes locked on Spike's blue ones. He sucked in his breath as he felt Spike begin to slide inside him. "Relax. Let it out. Breathe deep and slow. Doesn't have to hurt," Spike told him, his eyes never leaving Xander's face. Xander nodded once and breathed in and out slowly, consciously making an effort to relax his muscles. A surprised, almost innocent smile began to spread across his face when he felt Spike's cock enter him further, stretching and filling him with nearly no pain. "Oh man," he moaned. "That's... wow." Spike groaned as his cock sank into Xander to the hilt. He stilled for a moment, gaining control of himself and allowing Xander's body a moment to adjust. He looked at Xander and cocked one eyebrow, silently asking if Xander was ready for more. Xander nodded once, biting his lip hard as Spike pulled out almost all the way and then shoved back in again. Xander thrust his hips up to meet him, wanting more, wanting to be fucked harder and faster. "That's beautiful, pet," Spike purred, moving his cock faster in and out of Xander's tight channel. Love virgins. "Fuck me. Fuck me back hard." He gripped Xander's hips tightly and began thrusting in and out in earnest, head down, eyes closed, lost to everything but the feeling of Xander's tight heat around his cock. Xander fisted the bed sheets with both hands, grabbing and twisting as Spike pounded into him. He moaned and babbled, unaware of what he was saying, not even sure it was English. It was all he could do just to ride wave after wave that crashed through his body every time the blunt head of Spike's cock hit his prostate. He reached down to grab his own shaft, but Spike smacked his hand away and leaned in close, lying heavily on top of him. He felt Spike's voice close to his ear. "Want to claim you, Xander. Make you mine." He kissed Xander's neck. "Need to bite you, though." Xander turned his head in the direction of Spike's voice and opened his eyes, a flicker of doubt appearing on his face. "It won't hurt any more than the other bite, promise. Just want to mark you." Spike's eyes burned bright with possessiveness and caring. "You're mine, I want to see it on you, luv." "All right," Xander breathed, incapable of saying anything more. He closed his eyes again and tilted his head away from Spike, exposing his throat to the vampire. Spike almost came at the sight of Xander lying like that beneath him, his throat bared willingly. Soddin' hell. Lovely fuckin' child. Spike bent his head to Xander's neck. He continued to fuck Xander hard as he licked and sucked Xander's neck, his thrusts increasing in speed and force. The pressure of Spike's body against Xander's cock was bringing Xander to the edge of his own orgasm. Spike let himself shift into game face and dragged his fangs slowly across Xander's throat and down to his chest. Mine. "What - " Xander tried desperately to form words for his question. "Why?" Spike pricked Xander's chest lightly with his fangs, just above the heart. "S'where you do it. Right here." Xander nodded and relaxed, trusting Spike. He pulled his legs even closer to his chest, wanting Spike deeper. Spike began thrusting into and against Xander frantically, wanting to come, wanting to bite, wanting to bind the man underneath him tightly to himself. He supported himself with one hand as he used the other to pump Xander's hard cock. Mine. Spike felt Xander stiffen as he began to orgasm and he sank his fangs into Xander's chest right away. Spike felt his own orgasm crash through him as the taste of Xander's blood filled his mouth, hot and rich and full of passion. He drank, neither deeply nor much, growling as he finally claimed what was his. Spike pulled his fangs out of Xander and licked the bloody mark once. No more. He wanted it to scar. He pulled back and looked at the mark, satisfied. "Mine." 'Bout bloody time, too. Xander smiled softly, running his fingers through the messy curls on Spike's head. "Yours?" he asked, his voice still rough. "Mine," Spike growled playfully. He pulled out of Xander's body, shook off his game face, and slid up to place a kiss on the full lips. "Don't forget it, boy." "Again with the 'boy'. You have control issues, Spike," Xander teased. "Probably. We can work 'em out later. Should be fun." Spike winked at Xander as he got up and left the room in search of a washcloth and towel. Entering the living room, he noticed that the sliding-glass door was still open. "Hope the neighbors enjoyed themselves," he smirked, and pulled the door shut against the night. He pulled the curtains closed too, just in case he and Xander didn't make it out of bed again until morning. Grabbing a clean washcloth and towel from the basket in the corner, he went into the bathroom and ran warm water over the cloth. After cleaning himself up, he rinsed the washcloth with warm water and carried it and the towel into the bedroom to wash Xander. He paused in the doorway, drinking in the sight of the man still sprawled bonelessly on the bed. Mine. As if he heard Spike's thoughts, Xander lifted his head and looked at Spike, grinning crookedly. "Stop staring, Blondie. I'm yours. Blah blah blah..." Xander chuckled tiredly when the wet washcloth hit him in the face. Spike sat down next to the still-laughing Xander, took the washcloth, and began cleaning him gently. Then Spike quickly rubbed him dry with the towel. Tossing the towel and the washcloth onto the pile of dirty and torn -- Spike smiled at the memory of ripping Xander's shirt off -- clothes, Spike threw the pillows that had been under Xander's hips onto the floor and scooted up to lay on the clean ones still at the head of the bed. Pulling both Xander and the blankets to him in one swift move, Spike wrapped his arms around Xander and pulled the brown head to his chest, running his fingers quietly through Xander's hair as the two men drifted off to sleep. Xander snuggled into Spike's arms, thinking he'd have never believed this only 24 hours ago. So not about to complain, though. Just as Spike was about to doze off, he heard Xander's voice. "Spike?" the brunet said sleepily. "Go to sleep, Xander. Whatever it is can wait a bit," Spike said, aware he was fighting a losing battle. 'Shut up' were not two words Xander Harris understood, he knew. "One question?" Xander asked, licking Spike's nipple. Spike laughed softly. "Fine. One." "Why did you agree not to turn me? I didn't think you would." Xander said. He hugged Spike briefly with the arm he had thrown across the blond man's chest. "Not that I'm complaining, of course. Just wondering." Still carding Xander's hair with his fingers, Spike thought seriously for a moment before answering. "Short and simple answer? Remember what I said earlier -- I like you. Like your laugh, your heart, and your daft sense of humor. I've got no way of knowin' how much of that you'd keep after you were turned. Even with a soul." He snorted. "Look at Peaches. No sense of humor at all." "But -" Xander began. Spike cut him off. "Thought you said just one?" "I lied?" Spike kissed Xander's forehead. "Right answer. Go on then." Xander snorted softly. "Last night - you... you said you wanted to turn me. Wanted to teach me to -- what was that?" Xander frowned, concentrating, "Oh yeah -- 'take what I want and destroy what I don't'." He looked up at Spike's face. "That doesn't sound like you were planning to have me cursed with a soul. Why'd you change your mind - about the turning and the soul?" Spike rolled his eyes. "So much for short answers. Simple I still got, though." He shrugged. "Like you said -- I changed m'mind." "You changed your mind." Xander repeated doubtfully. "That's it?" "Yep. See? Simple. 'Sides -- I only promised 'for now'." Spiike shook Xander gently. "Shut up and go to sleep or I'll change my mind again." Laughing quietly, Xander snuggled into Spike's arms and relaxed against him. "Yes, boss." "Much better." Spike said, and grinned when Xander's only response was a sleepy snort. He rolled himself and Xander onto their sides, pulled Xander's back tight against his chest, and promptly fell asleep. --- Once again, Xander awoke slowly, with the feel of cool sheets and cool vampire both wrapped around him. This time though, he didn't mind at all. He lay quietly, thinking of everything that had happened in the last 24 or so hours. Claimed. Heh. I belong to Spike. Yeah. An evil, soulless, chipless demon. Good choice. Who the hell are you? Buffy? Shut up already. Speaking of Buffy... what about her? You think Spike's not gonna want to bag his third Slayer? He wouldn't... ... OK, he would. But he won't. ? Xander groaned. "What's the matter, pet?" Spike asked. Xander jerked, surprised. "Didn't know you were awake." Xander could feel the movement of Spike's jaw against his head as Spike grinned. "Without the breathin' it's kinda hard to tell, innit?" "Yeah." Xander was silent, thinking. He felt Spike sigh. "What is it?" Xander chewed his bottom lip. "What's what?" He yelped as Spike pinched his arm sharply. "What was that for?" "Lyin' to me -- 'what's what'. I can practically hear the voices in your head arguing." Xander turned to look at Spike, surprised. "Didn't think I knew about that, did you?" Xander shook his head. Spike smirked and asked, "Well, what is it?" "Buffy," Xander said. "Oh." Xander waited silently. Spike rolled his eyes. "Fine," he said. "Fine, what? What fine?" Xander asked. He didn't think Spike could really be saying what he hoped Spike was saying. "I won't go after her." For now, Spike thought. He kept that little addendum to himself. "No way." Xander twisted around and looked at Spike in disbelief. "It's that easy? You're not going to try to kill her?" "Nope," Spike said, enjoying Xander's confusion. Xander's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you." He yelped again as Spike pinched him a second time. "Hey! Stop that! I was telling the truth -- I don't believe you." "I know." Xander began rubbing his sore arm, and Spike tried not to smile. "I pinched you this time for callin' me a liar." "I didn't -" "You didn't believe me, either." Spike pushed Xander's hand away and began rubbing the spot where he'd pinched Xander's arm. "I said I wouldn't go after her and I won't. You have to learn to trust me. 'Sides -- I've been able to hurt her for months. And she's still alive," Spike pointed out, feeling virtuous. "What? What about the chip? And I do trust you." Xander protested, enjoying the feel of Spike's hands on him, even if it was just his arm. "Chip stopped workin' 'gainst her. Dunno why, just did. Back in November some time. Mebbe before that." Spike stopped rubbing and made as if to pinch Xander again. "Don't!" Xander said, yanking his arm away. "I do trust you - I do! It's just that I -- well, I guess I only trust you with some things," he admitted. "Like not killing me, or - " Xander frowned, thinking. Then he blushed. Damn. Wish I'd stop doing that. Spike laughed. "Or when you're naked underneath me?" He chuckled as Xander sucked in his breath, eyes glazing over. Spike shook him lightly. "Hey -- no gettin' distracted now. You need to get up and eat. I'm tired of listenin' to your stomach growl." Xander shook his head. "Wha -- huh? Oh." He licked his lips. "Food. Yeah. Um, maybe - " Spike shoved Xander away. "Go. Up. Shower. Eat. Then more shaggin'." "But - "Xander began, pouting. Maybe... "Don't even try it. You're noisy and stinky. Off with you." Spike threw the blankets off of Xander and shoved him, hard. Xander slid off the sheets and onto the floor, landing with a thump. "Ow! Hey!" Xander sat up and glared at Spike over the edge of the bed. "I think I liked you better when you couldn't hurt me." Spike picked up a pillow and thumped Xander on the back of the head with it. "Yeah, right. S'why we've been shaggin' for months now." He raised one eyebrow in Xander's direction. "You were sayin'?" Standing up, Xander said, "You were too busy boffing Buffy anyway." He picked the pillow up from the floor and tossed it back at Spike. Spike caught it and held it for a moment. Looking at Xander seriously, he said, "'Course, you weren't gay then." "I'm not gay!" Spike looked at Xander standing naked next to the bed. Looked down at his own naked body. Back at Xander. One eyebrow went up, and - "I'm going to take a shower," Xander said as he stalked out of the bedroom. He heard Spike laugh just as the pillow hit him on the back of the head. --- Spike lay in bed until he heard Xander close the bathroom door and start the water for his shower. Walking over to the chair that he'd laid his clothes on the night before, Spike grabbed his jeans and slid them on. Not bothering to button them up completely, he kicked the growing pile of laundry out of his way as he left the bedroom. Taking his pack of cigarettes and his lighter off the small telephone table next to the bedroom where he'd left them earlier that day, Spike opened the curtains and the sliding-glass door and went out on the balcony. He lit a cigarette and put the pack and the lighter in his front pocket. Cigarette in his mouth, he leaned against the railing and rested his arms on it. He stood there for a long while, looking out at the lights of Sunnydale, listening to the sounds the town made as it settled in for the night, smoking and thinking about the last few days. Spike was immensely pleased with himself. He was free from his artificial and unwelcome conscience for the first time in years, he'd had his fill of blood -- and then some -- straight from the source, no less -- while he was out of town, and he had Xander. He smiled widely -- a genuine smile, one most people never got to see. Bloody hell. Talk about your 'unexpected developments'. He inhaled deeply and then blew the cigarette smoke out slowly, watching it curl up and around before it dissipated. Didn't think the boy had it in him. Spike laid his arms back down on the balcony rail, letting the cigarette dangle from his fingertips as he thought about the man he'd claimed. Spike hadn't been lying earlier when he'd said that he liked Xander alive. Unlike the Watchers, Spike knew that quite a bit of a person's personality stayed with him when he was turned. Dru was as mad today as she'd been the day Angelus killed her. Spike had heard the story a hundred times if he'd heard it once -- how Angelus had carved through Dru's mind, piece by piece; slowly and surely creating his own twisted version of a living sculpture before he turned her. Angelus himself bore more than a passing resemblance to Liam - Spike knew that the human his Sire had once been was fond of whiskey, women, pleasure and getting his own way in all things -- not much difference there, as far as he could see. Spike remembered Dalton and grinned. A quiet, bookish vampire -- he wondered how the Council of Wankers would explain that if they knew about him. Angel -- Spike stopped and inhaled one last ttime from his cigarette before tossing it over the railing -- well, Angel was a poof and a great git, no two ways about it. He didn't think that had anything to do with being a vampire, since Angel hadn't been a real vamp in over a century, to Spike's way of thinking. Angel was just a bloody idiot. With bloody stupid hair. Spike ran his hand through his own hair, frowning to himself. He was all too aware of the much-too-large-for-his-liking remnant of William the Bloody Awful Poet that lived inside of him, in spite of Spike's best efforts to obliterate any trace of him. But be that as it may, a lot of things did change when a person became a vampire. Spike knew Xander would lose his conscience and his inhibitions. The man that risked his life to help save the world countless times over the last six years would be replaced by a demon who would like nothing more than fighting and feeding. And fucking. Spike grinned and shook his head once, remembering Xander lying beneath him, skin flushed and sweaty and oh-so-deliciously-hot, eyes rolled back in his head as Spike fucked him and fucked him until they were both insane with it. Spike growled softly as he remembered the taste of Xander's blood, warm and fresh and salty sweet in his mouth. He was goin' to turn the boy, all right. Spike had big plans for Xander -- he wanted to see what kind of havoc Xander could wreak, wanted to witness the dark beauty of the pain and destruction that delightfully twisted mind would create with all of Xander's enthusiasm and none of his better impulses. Can't believe the soddin' idiot thinks I'm gonna let him be cursed. Like one broodin' guilty vampire in this world isn't one too many. But Spike thought he'd enjoy this Xander for a while too -- he'd never claimed a human before, might as well see how it went. He'd told Xander the truth that afternoon -- Spike did like him now, laughing and silly and caring about everyone and everything around him. He'd enjoy it for a while; let Xander have his fun. Do silly stupid human things with the boy. Maybe take him around a bit, show him a thing or two. Spike thought Xander might lose some of his big-eyed wonder, some of his joy in discovering new things, once he died. You never could tell. Spike kind of liked that in Xander, wanted to see a bit more of it before it disappeared, if it did. Spike listened as a couple of girls walked down the street, passing near the apartment building. He could hear their inane chatter as they talked about boys and clothes and school, dangerously oblivious to the perils of being out in the dark in Sunnyhell. Daft chits. If it weren't for the fact that I'm on the third bloody floor, they'd be dinner and dessert. ... Fuck. Spike hadn't thought about Xander's reaction to his feeding again. He'd been too caught up in everything going on -- his now-permanently-malfunctioning chip, being able to hunt and feed for the first time in years; Xander himself -- to stop and think about the details of their new arrangement. Bloody buggerfuckin' goddamn it all to hell. Xander would never sit by quietly while Spike killed people, he knew without a doubt. Probably not even the worthless ones. Spike picked up the empty juice glass that Xander had forgotten on the table and hurled it against the wall of the building next to theirs, furious. The glass shattered loudly, the glittering shards of the glass and the remnants of Xander's Pop-Tart wrapper showering down to the grass below. Spike closed his eyes and gripped the railing tightly with both hands, drawing in deep unneeded breaths as he fought to gain control of himself. Spike was so busy trying to keep himself from jumping off the balcony and going after those girls, just to prove he could, that he didn't hear a thing when Xander came outside. Didn't notice Xander was there until Spike felt Xander's warm arms wrapped around his waist. Xander pulled Spike close, feeling the tension in the blond's body, wondering what had happened while he was in the shower. "You all right?" he asked, concerned. Spike breathed in deeply one last time and made a concentrated effort to relax. He turned to face Xander and leaned back against the railing, pulling Xander with him. Burying his face in Xander's neck, he inhaled deeply, reveling in the smell and the warmth of his boy. Spike grinned slightly at that, imagining Xander's reaction if he were to hear Spike say it. Have to remember to do that sometime. My boy. He grinned wider. "What's the joke, Spike? And why were you so tense just a minute ago?" Xander asked, bewildered by Spike's lightning-fast mood change. Spike jerked his head once in the direction of the girls' fading voices. "Hungry," he said shortly. He closed his eyes and waited for Xander to understand. There it is, Spike thought, as he felt Xander take a deep breath and hold it for a moment before exhaling slowly. Mine. M'not lettin' him go. Don't bloody well care if he likes it or not. Unknowingly, Spike growled. He looked up when he felt Xander startle and smelled fear. Spike rubbed Xander's back lightly through his T-shirt. Why'd he get dressed? "Relax, I'm not gonna eat you," he said, quirking up a corner of his mouth in a half-smile. Xander would not be comforted. "No -- just them," he said, his voice expressionless. Spike stilled his hands and let them fall to the waistband of Xander's jeans, hooking his thumbs through the empty belt loops. "Not them either. They're gone." Xander pulled away from Spike and leaned against the wall. Folding his arms across his chest, his face impassive, he said "Guess it was their lucky day, huh?" Spike exploded. "Yeah, it was! It was the luckiest day of their fucking lives, Xander!" he shouted, clenching and unclenching his fists, barely maintaining control. "What in the bloody hell do you want from me? I'm not the Scoobies' goddamn pet vampire anymore, boy!" His eyes gleamed, yellow mingling with blue. "You know why they're still alive?" he yelled. Xander frowned and shook his head once. "Because of you! Because - " Spike whirled and drove his fiist into the nearby wall. Pain exploded in his hand as a finger broke with the impact. He hung his head, the anger draining out of him. "Because of you," Spike repeated quietly. Xander stood up straight. He didn't know what to say. Am I supposed to be glad here? Admire his restraint? What? Wishing Spike had come complete with instruction manual, he said, "Spike - " "Know how many times I've not killed just because somebody wouldn't like it, pet?" Cradling his injured hand, Spike lifted his head and looked at Xander. His eyes solidly blue again, he said, "Once." "Spike -" Xander began again. "No." Spike interrupted and began moving toward the door. "Don't want to talk about it. Not now." He stopped just inside the apartment. "I need to take care of this and we both need to eat." Spike grimaced, thinking of the pig's blood in the refrigerator. "Go make yourself some dinner, I'll just be a few," he said, and walked off to the bathroom to take care of his hand. --- Xander stayed where he was for a long moment, trying to get a grip on what had happened in the last few minutes. He knew Spike was moody, but he'd never seen anything quite like that roller-coaster ride of emotions from the vampire before tonight. 'Once'? Xander whistled softly as the realization hit him that Spike had never restrained himself before for anybody. Except me. Wow. Xander thought maybe he should feel something other than pleased, but he couldn't. Spike hadn't killed someone -- well, two someones -- just because he knew Xander wouldn't like it. He didn't bother trying to tell himself that it was because Spike was worried Xander would leave -- Xander knew he wouldn't, even if he should, and he was pretty sure Spike knew it too. Of course, Spike probably didn't care whether or not Xander would want to leave. Xander didn't think he'd get very far, even if he felt like trying. There was a time, not very long ago, when Xander would have convinced himself otherwise. Pretended he didn't see the ramifications of what he was doing with Spike; denied, even to himself, that what he'd done today was agree to spend the rest of his life with a vampire who had every intention of killing him before too long. Thinking of Anya and the disaster that was their wedding, he reminded himself that denial hadn't worked real well. Might as well try something different. Maybe I'll have better luck. Xander's stomach growled loudly just then. He remembered that he hadn't eaten anything except Pop-Tarts and Cheetos all day. Guess I better go get something to eat. He entered the living room, pulling the screen door closed behind him, just as Spike was leaving the bathroom. He nodded at Spike's hand, noting the improvised splint on one finger. "Better?" "Yeah. Broke m'finger though," Spike said. "You just comin' in to eat now?" Xander ducked his head sheepishly. "Yeah. I was thinking about some stuff." Spike grunted but didn't say anything. Neither man wanted to talk about what had happened outside yet. As if by mutual agreement they went into the kitchen silently and began preparing their meals. Spike pulled a couple of bags of blood from the refrigerator and threw them in the microwave to heat. Xander searched the refrigerator and the cupboards before grabbing a package of hot dogs from the freezer. Spike stopped him. "What the hell are you doing?" He grabbed his oversized mug from the cupboard as the microwave stopped. "Making dinner, what does it look like?" Xander asked, trying to rip the plastic open. He opened a drawer and took out a knife so he could cut it instead. "You're not eating that crap. You need some real food," Spike said as he opened one of the blood bags and poured it into his mug. "It is real food!" Xander protested. At Spike's look, he said, "Well, it is! Highly processed, but it's real." "Well eat somethin' not highly processed then." Spike picked up his mug and made a face at the smell of pig's blood before starting to drink. "Won't kill you to eat something good once in a while. Told you last night -- you're gonna take care of yourself now that you're mine." He smirked when Xander opened his mouth to argue. So predictable. But so fun. "You can't tell me what to eat! That's not fair!" Xander said hotly. He started to add something more, then stopped as Spike quirked one eyebrow, mug full of pig's blood at his lips. His meaning was clear -- if he could drink this, the least Xander could do was... "Oh, fine." Xander threw the hot dogs back into the freezer and slammed the door. Spike grinned to himself and drained his mug quickly, shuddering slightly at the taste. He opened the other bag and poured it while Xander looked for something decent to eat. Xander emerged from the refrigerator, triumphantly bearing a steak and a potato. "Does this meet with your approval, Bossy One?" Spike snorted and nodded. "Sure. Just be sure you cook 'em first." He ducked Xander's swat and grabbed the empty blood bags and tossed them in the trash. Spike went into the living room and settled himself on the couch. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV. Xander moved around the kitchen making his dinner, while Spike watched TV. Before too long, his dinner was ready and he came to sit next to Spike on the sofa while he ate. "What we watchin'?" he asked, his mouth full of microwaved baked potato slathered in butter and sour cream. "Not a damn thing," Spike said, disgusted. "80 channels, been flippin' through 'em for the last 20 minutes, and can't find a bleedin' thing to watch." "Tuesday's a bad night for TV," Xander said. "There's nothing on." "I noticed." Spike paused for a moment on the The Learning Channel, which was airing 'Trauma: Life in the E.R.' He set the remote down. "This looks good." Xander gulped as he caught a glimpse of somebody's lung. "Can we not watch this while I'm eating?" "What's wrong? You've seen worse than that," Spike said. "'Sides, I like it." "Of course you do. It's bloody and disgusting and involves severely injured people." Xander leaned over and reached for the remote, but Spike got it first. "I, on the other hand, am trying to eat my dinner. And keep it down." He grabbed again for the remote, but Spike kept it away from him. "C'mon Spike -- change the channel." "In a minute," Spike said. "Gimme a mo'. Don't watch." Xander sighed and bent his head to his plate, eating quickly. He hadn't realized how hungry he was. I'm glad Spike made me eat something good. Not that I'll tell him that. Just as Xander was finishing his steak, someone knocked on the door. Spike and Xander looked at each other for a second and then started moving. Spike left the TV on, but set the remote on the coffee table before going to his room to grab a clean shirt, buttoning up his jeans the rest of the way as he went. Xander put his almost-empty plate in the kitchen sink, closed the bedroom door and ran his hands through his hair before answering the door. "Willow, hi!" Xander said when he opened the door and saw who was on the other side. "Hey Buffy." The two girls didn't answer for a moment. "What? Something wrong?" "That's kinda what we were wondering, Xander," Willow said, her face worried. "You missed the Scooby meeting. And -- and then we tried to call, but your phone just kept ringing and your machine wasn't picking up." She looked at Buffy who was still looking at Xander, obviously concerned. "And Buffy said you were Mr. Wiggy last night, so I wanted to come and see you." "I'm fine, Wills," Xander reassured her. "Really, I am!" he said when Buffy gave him a skeptical look. "I know I was a little weird yesterday - " "A little? You were the King of Weird, Xander." Buffy said. "We were worried. We still are." Xander sighed and opened the door all the way. "Come in, ladies, come in. I can see that your worries on the state of the Xan-man won't be laid to rest with anything less than a complete reconnaissance." The girls entered the apartment, Willow heading straight for the telephone, Buffy for the recliner she'd sat in last night. "Xander -- your phone's unplugged. That's why it wasn't working," Willow said as she plugged the cord back into the phone jack. She stood up and asked, "Why was your phone unplugged?" Xander shrugged and then looked surprised as Spike walked out of his bedroom. He was fully dressed, right down to his boots and his duster. How the hell did he do that? His stuff was in my room! "I unplugged it," Spike said. "I was tired -- didn't want to listen to the bleedin' thing all day." Spike picked up the remote and clicked the TV off, then grabbed his empty mug from the table and went to wash it and put it away. Buffy looked at Xander, clearly expecting him to yell at Spike for unplugging the phone. Willow was looking at him with the same expectant look on her face, and Xander realized that three days ago, he would have bitched at Spike for doing something like that. This is going to be harder than I thought. Xander turned to Spike, hoping he'd understand and not be angry later with Xander for what he was about to do. Spike was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded, legs crossed, smirking. Oh, he understood -- he looked like he was going to enjoy it, in fact. Bastard. "Listen, you can't just go around unplugging people's phones whenever you want! What if there's an emergency?" Xander bit the inside of his mouth, trying not to laugh. It didn't help at all that Spike looked like he was either going to burst into laughter himself or start blowing kisses in Xander's direction. Xander tried to summon up some irritation, but the good food and the good sex and the look in Spike's eyes as they played their little game made it impossible. "Don't do it again, got it?" he finished lamely, turning to face Willow and Buffy. He rolled his eyes and shrugged as if to say, "What can you do? It's Spike." The girls nodded understandingly. "Where were you this weekend anyway, Spike?" Buffy asked. "Xander said last night he hadn't seen you in a couple of days." Oh God. Please don't let her tell him I was worried. Pleasepleaseplease. I'll be hearing about it forever. Literally. Spike shrugged then dug his cigarettes and lighter out of his jeans pocket. Lighting a smoke, he said, "Poker. You remember," he told Buffy. "Or maybe you don't. You were pretty well pi -" "I remember," Buffy said, blushing. She didn't want Willow and Xander to know how drunk she'd gotten that night. "I was on a roll." Spike put the cigarette pack and lighter away in a duster pocket. "Drinking, kittens -- a bloody good weekend. Came back when I got bored." He shrugged, put the lit cigarette in his mouth and settled back against the counter. "What happened to your hand?' Willow asked, seeing the splint on Spike's finger. "Probably got caught cheating and someone broke his finger for it," Buffy said. Spike nodded his head. "Right in one, Slayer," he said, avoiding Xander's gaze. "Figures." Buffy snorted. "Is it -- are you gonna be OK, Spike?" Willow asked, concerned. Spike looked at the witch, surprised. "'Course I am, Red. Vampire healin' an' all that. Be right as rain in a few days." 'Specially if I can get some fresh blood in me. Spike figured the same thought had just occurred to Xander, judging from the unhappy look on his face. Spike shrugged. "Slayer -- you come lookin' for help or what? I feel like bustin' some heads tonight." Spike took the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaled. "Or you just here to make sure I got home safely?" Buffy stood up. "Oh yeah, Spike. I was so worried about you. Not." She turned to Willow and Xander who had sat down next to each other on the couch. "You two wanna come or are you going to stay here and play catch-up?" Willow looked at Xander with a smile. "Stay? We haven't had much talky time lately. I miss you." Xander looked at Buffy and Spike, who was still avoiding looking at him. He turned to face Willow again. "Sure thing, Will. I don't feel much like getting my ass kicked tonight anyway." He flashed her his biggest, goofiest smile and added, "We can have ice cream and soda and lots of Willow-Xander bondage." He blushed and backpedaled. "That went to a place it totally wasn't meant to go." Willow and Buffy smiled and Spike laughed outright. "I think that's our cue to leave, Slayer." He winked at Xander when the girls weren't looking and walked out. "I'll make sure she gets home safe, Buffy," Xander said. Buffy nodded and waved goodbye at her friends as she followed Spike out the door. Xander turned to Willow and smiled. He scooted closer to her and pulled her to him in a one-armed hug. "So... tell me about things. How've you been? How's school? Have you talked to Tara lately?" He watched her face light up as she began talking about Tara excitedly. Sighing contentedly, he put his feet up on the table. Settling back against the sofa, he prepared for a night full of much-missed Willow-babble. Without bondage. Later, after much ice cream and laughter, Xander drove Willow home. They got out of the car and Willow started to walk in the direction of her dorm, but Xander stopped her. "Willow, wait a minute." Willow stopped and came back to where he stood leaning against the car. "What...is something wrong, Xander?" When he didn't answer right away, she looked at him worriedly. "What are you not telling me? Her eyes got round and big. "Oh! You're going to tell me right now, aren't you? Whatever the -- the thing is that you're not telling me. OK -- shutting up now. Ready to hear the thing." She took a breath. "It's not a bad thing, is it?" Xander grinned. "Yeah, there's a thing, Will. Not a bad thing, just a thing." He took one of Willow's hands, held it between his own. He studied it as though he'd find the words he needed to say written there, the way he'd relied on tiny crib notes written on his hands to help himself through countless math tests. Math tests she'd worked hard to prepare him for, even though it never helped as much as Willow hoped it would. Xander suddenly wished he'd worked harder -- at math, at history, at computer science. He loved her so much, this tiny redheaded tornado he'd called his best friend almost since he could remember. He wished there was something, anything he could leave with her to let her know how much she'd meant to him, how much she'd helped him through the years. Xander thought that maybe if he'd done better in school, then Willow would somehow understand how important she'd always been to him. Well, that's stupid. Jeez, not you again. Go away. Xander lifted Willow's hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "I love you Will -- you know that, right?" Willow looked at Xander fondly and smiled. "Of course." Her expression changed, becoming first confused and then wary as she saw the intensity in Xander's eyes. "Um, yeah. Hey -- haven't we been down this road before?" She pulled her hand out of Xander's grasp. "I seem to remember lots of potholes. I'm thinking -- driving that way again? Bad." Xander laughed, shaking his head and holding his hands up in front of him. "No, Will -- not like that." An image of Spike -- above him, inside him, fucking him hard -- flashed through his mind. He swallowed heavily and continued, "Not anymore. Promise." Willow nodded, clearly relieved. "OK. Just checking. One of those lessons better learned the first time, you know?" "Yeah," Xander said. "Listen, Willow -- about the thing." He thrust his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. "Oh yeah -- the thing. What's up?" Willow watched him carefully. Still a little worried, knowing Xander well enough to know that whatever the thing was, it wasn't nothing. "I-I missed work today. Drank too much last night, woke up late." Got fucked silly by Spike. He held up one hand when she started to ask a question. "I'm fine. I told you. Really. It's just -- well, I was thinking about having to go to the site tomorrow to try to explain why I didn't show up or even call today. I can't exactly explain that my undead roommate unplugged the phone so he could sleep," he watched Willow smile "and -- I got this idea." Xander put his hand back in his pocket, slightly disgusted with himself. He didn't want to lie -- especially not to Willow, but Xander knew he couldn't tell her the truth either. "Idea?" she asked, forehead crinkling. "About explaining why you missed work?" Xander shook his head. "No. About quitting my job." "Quitting?" Now Willow was worried for real. "Why would you quit? You love that job! I knew something was wrong -- talk to me, Xander." "No - really, nothing's wrong." Xander reached out and held Willow's hand again. "I just need some time. Away from Sunnydale." Xander laced his fingers through hers, enjoying the feel of Willow's hand in his. Willow didn't pull away this time. "I need a break. I have enough money saved up that I could take some time off, maybe travel a little." He grinned crookedly. "Maybe I'll even get further than Oxnard this time. I have a better car now." Willow laughed a little at that and then asked, "Is this about Anya?" Xander was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Not really. But yes. And no." He laughed. "It's all of it and none of it, Wills. I just need a little time away, OK?" He kissed her hand again, teasing, his eyes twinkling. Willow smiled a little half-smile at Xander's attempt to charm her. He'd always be her best friend, but he no longer had the ability to make her knees weak and her insides melt. "Sure. But why the big deal?" Xander shrugged. "I didn't want to leave without telling you, that's all." "You're leaving that soon?" Willow asked, looking worried again. "Willow, stop worrying," Xander said, brushing his free hand across her forehead, smoothing away her frown. "I know if I try to stay around for a couple of days and say goodbye to everybody I'll end up not going at all. The end of the world will come, Dawn will need a ride somewhere, Giles will finally ask me to fix the bookcases in the back room at the Magic Box." They both grinned and Xander shrugged again. "Something will happen or I'll feel bad about quitting and I'll end up never going. This way's best I think." Willow looked doubtful, but nodded. "I guess. You're probably right. But I don't like it." "I know, I'm sorry. But trust me, it's for the best." Xander pulled Willow into a tight hug. "I do love you, Willow. I always have," he said, and kissed her cheek. Willow kissed him back then said, "Stop with the serious. You sound like you're leaving forever. It's just for a little while." Xander looked at Willow tenderly. His best friend. The girl whose Barbies he'd killed, whose crayons he'd broken. The girl who knew all his deep dark secrets -- like his secret adoration for Julia Roberts movies -- and loved him anyway. The girl he'd shared everything with, until now. "Yeah," he lied, part of him dying. "Just for a little while." Xander kissed Willow one last time. "I need to go -- I have stuff to do, and it's late. We probably shouldn't be standing out here like this." Willow nodded. "OK. Be safe, Xander. Be sure and call me. I want to hear about all the trouble you get in while you're gone." She smiled and hugged him once more. "Send me postcards too -- I'll hang 'em on my wall." "Phone calls, postcards -- got it." Xander took his car keys out of his pocket. "'Night Willow," he said as he got into the car. Willow said goodnight and waved before walking to her dorm. Xander sat in the car for a long time after Willow went inside, staring at nothing. -- By the time Xander got back to the apartment, Spike was already there, lying on the couch watching TV. He'd undressed again and was wearing only his jeans, his bare feet propped up on the arm of the sofa. That reminds me... "How'd you get dressed so fast earlier? All your stuff was in my room," Xander asked as he closed and locked the door behind him. Spike looked over the arm of the sofa at Xander and smirked. "Vampire speed 'n quiet's good for more'n just fightin', pet. Get the witch home all right?" "No problems," Xander said. He set his keys down on the kitchen counter and then sat down on the recliner. "Spike, I want to ask you something." "As long as it's not 'will you drink pig's blood for the rest of your life', sure." Spike cocked an eyebrow in Xander's direction. "S'not, is it?" Xander shook his head. "I want to leave Sunnydale. Let's go somewhere. Can we?" Spike swung his feet onto the floor and sat up straight. "You're full o' surprises, no doubt," he said. "Why?" "Why am I full of surprises or why do I want to leave?" Xander asked. He ducked when Spike threw a sofa pillow at him. "I don't want to stay here like this. The way things are with us now." "What? You ashamed of me? Don't want your friends to know 'bout us?" Spike threw his head back against the couch cushions and sighed. "I'm Xander's dirty little secret. I feel so sordid," he teased. Xander laughed. "Shut up Spike, I'm serious." Spike propped his feet up on the table in front of him. "I know." He grinned at Xander's frustrated look. "What's the trouble, then?" Xander grabbed the pillow Spike had thrown at him and twisted it nervously in his hands. "Nothing yet. But there will be if we stay here in SunnyD, so I wanna go. I don't know where -- haven't thought about it that much yet." He looked up at Spike. "But if we stay here, I think it's gonna be bad. I don't want that." "You told Red?" Spike asked. No way he told the little witch. "Are you kidding? Was I gone long enough to have an 'I'm sleeping with Spike' talk with Willow?" Xander snorted. "I don't think so. I'd still be there three days from now, explaining." "True." Spike nodded. "So where's the problem?" He watched as Xander stood up and began pacing. Spike sat up again. "C'mon pet, tell me." Xander stopped for a moment and looked Spike in the eye. "I will. Promise to be quiet and let me finish?" He looked at Spike pleadingly. "I don't want to fight with you -- that's not - " He sighed. "Just let me say this?" Spike nodded once. "Have at it then." Xander took a deep breath and plunged right in. "Living here in Sunnydale, with you unchipped, is not gonna work, Spike. I know better than to think you're gonna bag it for the rest of my life." He stopped when Spike raised one eyebrow at that, but Spike kept his word and stayed silent, so Xander continued. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm OK with it, because I'm not and you know it. But I don't think there's anything I can do about it either." Xander resumed pacing but looked at Spike questioningly when he said this. Spike shook his head 'no' and Xander spoke again. "Exactly. Which means we can't stay here." Spike opened his mouth, remembered he'd promised, and shut it again. Xander stopped pacing and looked at Spike earnestly. "I've known more people than I want to remember who've died in freak accidents. Looking back, most of 'em were probably vamp attacks. Mrs. Jenkins -- nice little old lady - I used to mow her grass in the summer. Supposedly impaled her jugular with a barbecue fork when she tripped and fell in her backyard. Tommy, this little kid who lived across the street from me when I was nine, died in the field next to the elementary school one evening. They said it was a snakebite." Xander rubbed his face with his hands tiredly. "Every time I hear about someone dying like that, I can't wonder if it was you, Spike. There's just -- I can't live that way." He ran his hands through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. "It makes me a hypocrite, I know. But at least if we go somewhere else, somewhere big enough and far enough away that I don't know most of the people who live there..." Xander trailed off and sighed deeply, sitting down on the recliner again. "I don't know if it'll work or not. But I know that staying here won't." He sat quietly for a moment before saying, "I'm done. Go ahead." "You've really thought about it." Spike was surprised. He hadn't expected that from the boy. Man. A boy wouldn't have considered the implications like that. Xander nodded. "It was all I could think about the whole time Willow was here." He put his head in his hands. He missed Willow already and he hadn't even left yet. Hadn't gotten Spike to agree either, he remembered, and looked up again. "So what do you think? Are we leaving?" Spike looked at Xander quietly for a few long moments. "You really want to leave." "Yep." Xander hung his head. He felt very, very tired. It'd been a busy day and he was worn out. Spike was about to ask why Xander was willing to leave Sunnydale rather than him, but when he noticed Xander's exhaustion, Spike decided it could wait. Not like it matters. He is. Good enough. He stood and pulled Xander up from the chair. "Let's go to bed. You're 'bout ready to drop." Xander leaned against Spike, putting his arms around the blond's waist. He laid his head on Spike's shoulder tiredly. "You didn't answer me. Are we leaving? Let's go somewhere else. Please," he said, placing a soft kiss on Spike's shoulder. Spike pushed Xander away and turned him in the direction of the bedroom. "We'll go. Tomorrow night if you want. But now we're goin' to sleep." They undressed in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. Spike got in bed first, followed quickly by Xander, who huddled himself almost in a ball under the blankets with his head on Spike's chest. Spike ran his fingers through Xander's hair idly, still thinking. "Spike -" Xander slid one arm across the vampire's stomach as he spoke. "Yeah?" Spike asked, twisting the curling ends of Xander's hair around his fingers. Xander brought his hand up to Spike's nipple and brushed the flat of his hand lightly back and forth across it, making it harden. "Can we? I need..." He took a deep shuddering breath. "Sorry, this is still so new." Spike tugged gently on Xander's hair until Xander's face was tilted up toward his. He bent his head and sucked Xander's lower lip into his mouth. Xander moaned and moved until they were lying face-to-face. They kissed slowly, taking their time. Not needing to rush, just needing the connection, needing reassurance that in spite of the problems looming over them, they were still in this together. When Xander started rubbing his body harder against Spike's, the vampire broke the kiss. He winked and pushed Xander onto his back as Xander protested the loss of contact. Slowly, Spike licked and nibbled a trail from Xander's mouth to his groin. He paused, and chuckled when Xander ground out, "Cocktease" between clenched teeth. In response, Spike pinned Xander's hips to the bed with his hands and swallowed Xander's erection in one swift move. Xander's back arched tightly and he cried out at the sudden feel of Spike's mouth, cool and wet, wrapped around him. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck... ohthat'ssogood... Spike formed a tight seal around Xander's cock with his mouth and began sucking furiously, moving his head up and down. ohyeah... sonofabitch... Xander thrashed his head wildly from side to side and pounded the bed with his fists. He couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Nothing existed except Spike's mouth on his cock, sucking; Spike's muscles working, working, working as he deep throated Xander and swallowed again and again. howthefuck...ohohohohoh... He tried to form the words to tell Spike he was about to come, but he still couldn't think and so he shouted and came, muscles spasming as he shot down Spike's throat. Xander lay still, sight and sound and functioning brain cells returning slowly to normal as Spike licked him clean and then moved to lie down next to him again. "You liked that, then?" Spike asked, grinning widely. Xander nodded and tried to speak. "You..." then trailed off, too exhausted to talk. "You can make it up to me tomorrow," Spike said. He turned Xander on his side, facing away, and pulled him close. Wrapping the blankets around both of them, he kissed the back of Xander's neck and said, "Sleep now. Shag later." Xander was already asleep, a tiny smile on his face. --- "It's tomorrow." Spike opened his eyes to find Xander leaning over him, a huge smile plastered on his face. Spike couldn't stop himself, answering with one of his own, just as wide. Xander inhaled sharply and his eyes got big. "Wow. You should smile like that more often." He bent down and pressed his lips to Spike's, running his tongue along Spike's bottom lip. Spike opened his mouth and briefly let Xander control the kiss, enjoying the feel of Xander's tongue swirling through his mouth. Xander sucked on Spike's tongue gently, until Spike grabbed him, flipping them over so that Spike was on top. Xander stopped kissing him and laughed. "Me being on top lasted 15 whole seconds longer than I thought it would." He licked the hollow at the base of Spike's throat and sucked. Hmm... vampires probably can't get hickeys. He sucked harder. Doesn't mean I can't try. Spike closed his eyes, enjoying Xander's mouth on his neck and said, "You can be on top when you suck me off." Xander stopped and looked up at Spike. "I can do that." At least, I think I can. He swallowed and bit his bottom lip, his cock growing hard at the thought of Spike in his mouth, of making Spike moan and squirm and lose control. Oh yeah, that I can do. "Not now," Spike said, planting a kiss on Xander's chin. "I want to fuck you." Xander swallowed again. He took a deep breath, feeling a tightening in his stomach at Spike's words. "That works too." Spike laughed. "Thought you might say that." He leaned over the edge of the bed, grabbing the lotion left there from the day before. Spike put it on the bed next to them and kissed Xander deeply, rocking their bodies together. Xander felt Spike's cock harden against his own and groaned deep in his throat. He wrapped one leg around Spike and tried to move them faster, not willing to wait. He wasn't in the mood for anything long or drawn out. Xander just wanted to be fucked, the faster and harder the better. Spike chuckled. "Impatient little git. No appreciation..." "Less talking. More shagging," Xander said, echoing Spike's words from the previous day. He thrust harder against Spike's hips and bent his head to bite one nipple sharply. Spike laughed and reached for the lotion bottle. He squirted some into his hand and moved off Xander enough so that he could slide his hand between Xander's legs. Xander closed his eyes and groaned when he felt Spike's hand on his ass. He held his breath for a moment when Spike eased a finger into him, breathing again only when Spike added a second. "Ohhhhhhhhh... damn." He grabbed the blankets in his fists and spread his legs wider. Spike scissored his fingers a few times before adding a third and thrusting deep. Xander yelled and bucked, head lolled back, panting. Spike watched him hungrily. Never gonna get tired of seein' that. He fucked Xander with his hand, his cock growing impossibly harder as he watched Xander writhe senselessly on the bed. Gonna have this forever. Bloody hell. Unable to wait any longer, Spike pulled his fingers slowly from Xander's body. "Half a mo'," he said when Xander whimpered, and applied lotion liberally to his aching erection. Spike pushed Xander's knees up to his chest and slowly sank himself into Xander's body. So fuckin' tight and hot. Xander opened his eyes as Spike pulled out slowly before thrusting in again. "Spike. Just fuck me. Hard." He grinned at the lust that flared across Spike's face and grabbed his own cock and began pulling it. "C'mon Spike -- do it already." Spike's eyes narrowed. "You asked for it, boy." Spike pulled his cock out of Xander almost all the way and then slammed back into him hard. Xander grunted. "S'better," he managed to say before the ability to speak deserted him. Xander moaned and twisted beneath Spike as he pumped his shaft faster and faster in time with Spike's thrusts. Xander saw lights explode behind his eyes every time Spike's cock hit his prostate. And that's a sensation I lived far too long without experiencing. When Xander felt Spike orgasm, felt the coolness of Spike's come in his body, he lost control and came, moaning loudly. Spike settled his weight on top of Xander and kissed him, slowly and sweetly. "There's somethin' to be said for impatience." He chuckled and pulled his now-soft cock out of Xander and rolled onto his back. "'Course now we need a shower." "That requires moving, right?" Xander felt like a giant puddle of goo. He lifted his head and looked down. OK, not so far off the mark. Maybe a shower's a good idea. "Shower it is." He sat up, wincing slightly at the soreness in his ass. Spike chuckled. "Hard and fast still seem like a good idea, pet?" He got out of bed and picked up Xander's torn shirt from where it still lay on the floor. He wiped off his stomach and threw the shirt at Xander, who grimaced but wiped himself with it before he stood up. Xander grabbed the pile of dirty laundry on his way out the door. "Grab all the trash off the table and throw it away, would you Spike?" Grumbling as he picked up the empty beer bottles and broken glass from the nightstand, Spike muttered, "Cheeky bugger. Think a little shaggin' means you can boss me 'round?" Xander looked at Spike over his shoulder. As Spike threw the trash away he answered, "Worked, didn't it?" He winked and disappeared into the bathroom. Spike cursed and chased after Xander, catching up to him as Xander dumped the dirty clothes in the hamper. Spike grabbed Xander and tickled him, only stopping when Xander was laughing so hard he was gasping for breath, tears streaming down his face. "Teach you to be a smartass," Spike said when he finally let go. "Why? You think I need lessons?" Xander asked with a grin. He yelped when Spike smacked him. "I'm guessing that means no." He leaned over and turned the water on, adjusting the temperature until the bathroom began to fill with steam. Stepping under the spray he looked at Spike. "Is this a solo performance or is the sticky vampire going to join me?" "Dunno." Spike cast a long hungry look over Xander's naked body. "Solo performance sounds pretty good t'me." He grinned at Xander's blush and stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain closed. "But let's say we make this one a duet." Spike pulled Xander close and kissed him, growling softly as Xander's hands slipped down Spike's back to cup his ass. Xander kneaded Spike's backside as he trailed kisses down the blond man's throat, stopping occasionally to suck and bite on his way to Spike's chest. He bent his head and licked one pale nipple, flicking his tongue back and forth quickly, biting, and then licking again. Spike groaned and tangled one hand in Xander's hair, reaching down between them with the other. He moved closer to Xander and took both their erections in his hands. Xander licked and sucked his way across Spike's chest to the other nipple and pulled Spike even closer to him as Spike started pumping their cocks. Surprisingly, it didn't take either man long to orgasm, Xander biting Spike's nipple hard enough to draw blood as he came. "Sorry 'bout that," Xander said, wiping the few drops of blood away with his hand. "Not a problem." Spike kissed Xander lightly and pushed him out of the water stream. "Biting and blood? You forget -- I like that sort of thing." Grinning, he grabbed the shampoo and started washing his hair. Xander watched Spike for a moment, watched the water pour over the slim, muscular body. He just had to touch him again, so Xander grabbed the soap and started washing Spike's back. "I should help. Don't want to run out of hot water before we're finished." "You're selfless, Xander. 'S what I like about you," Spike teased, rinsing his hair. He took his time about it, though, allowing Xander to wash the rest of him. When he was clean, Spike took the soap away from Xander and switched places with him. "Your turn," he said, and rubbed the soap over Xander's chest. Half an hour and a more than a few kisses, licks, sucks and gropes later, they were clean, out of the bathroom, and dressed. They sat at the kitchen counter, Spike with a mug full of the much-despised animal blood, and Xander with a turkey sub, choosing the inconvenience of actually making a sandwich over the frustration of arguing again about what was 'real food' with Spike. "Have you decided where you want to go first, pet?" Spike asked as he drank his meal. He took a handful of Cheetos from the bag and crumbled them into his mug. They were out of Weetabix. Xander made a face at the Cheetos/pig's blood combination, but only said, "You're going to let me pick?" Spike shrugged. "Sure." He picked up the mug and took a long drink. Setting it down again, he said, "I've been most everywhere I ever wanted to go. What do you want to see?" "Cordelia." Xander glanced at Spike and took another bite from his sandwich. Around a mouthful of food he repeated, "I want to go see Cordelia." If Spike needed to breathe, he would have choked. Cordelia meant L.A., which meant... "Don't wanna see Peaches, Xander. I've seen more'n enough of him." "I know. I don't want to see him either." Xander put his almost-finished sandwich down and looked at Spike with a serious expression on his face. "It's just that we're gonna go off to who-knows-where and be gone who-knows-how-long -- and by time we come back this way, I may be... very different." He spread his hands out wide, pleading with Spike to understand. "I need to see her one more time." "Sounds like ever so much fun," Spike muttered before taking his empty mug to the sink. "What're you gonna say? 'Hey, Princess -- I'm off to see the world and gain eternal life, give us a kiss'?" He put the washed mug into the drainer and turned around. "I'd be dust faster'n I can say it." Xander looked worried. "Is Angel gonna know?" He rubbed the spot on his chest where Spike had marked him. "About this? Will he be able to tell somehow?" Spike nodded shortly. "Yeah." He went into the bedroom, re-emerging with a lit cigarette in his mouth. "An' he ain't gonna like it. Probably won't stake me for it, though." He took the cigarette from his mouth and gestured at Xander. "Finds out 'bout the rest, and I'm that Kansas song." "'Dust In the Wind'," Xander said. "Very funny." He picked up his sandwich again and shrugged. "So we don't tell him about the rest. End of problem." Spike tried a different tack. "Why's sayin' goodbye to the Prom Queen so important?" He took a drag on his cigarette. "I don't see you rushin' around tryin' to get all your goodbyes in before we leave this hellhole. Why the hell do we have to go to L.A.?" "I said goodbye to Wills last night." He stood up and carried his empty plate to the sink. At Spike's look of disbelief, he said, "I did! I told her I needed a break from Sunnydale, needed to get out and see different places." He rinsed his plate clean and put it in the dishwasher. "As for everybody else - " Xander stopped and leaned against the counter for a moment, thinking. "I don't want to talk to Buffy -- the farther away she is from all of this, the better. She figures anything out, and you won't have a chance to worry about Angel's reaction." Xander picked up the Cheetos bag and rolled it closed. "I can't lie to Giles for shit -- Anya either. So they're out." He put the snack bag in a cupboard and closed the door. "I wish I could say goodbye to Dawn, but then we're back to Buffy again, so no go there either. Which leaves Willow, and I've already said goodbye to her." Xander thought briefly of Tara, but knew that his best friend would fill her in the next time they spoke. Xander liked Tara a lot, but he didn't know her well enough to justify hunting her down to say goodbye before what was supposed to be just a road trip. She was definitely high on his 'People I'll Miss' list, though. Spike rubbed the back of his neck. He really didn't want to go to L.A. and deal with Angel, but he knew Xander wouldn't leave him alone until he agreed. Don't think he'll stake me for the claimin', once we explain how it came about. Probably feel guilty for startin' the whole thing. He liked that. With a grin he told Xander, "L.A. it is then." Laughing, Xander said, "You're just hoping he'll feel bad about offering me to you in the first place." He laughed harder when Spike looked surprised. "C'mon Spike -- you're so transparent when it comes to Angel! Like I couldn't figure it out." Spike shrugged and concentrated on smoking his cigarette. He was embarrassed at being so easy to read, but he couldn't deny that tormenting Angel was his only reason for agreeing to go to L.A. Xander walked over and kissed him on the forehead, carefully avoiding the cigarette in Spike's mouth. "It's all right -- the idea of making Angel feel a little guilt for that night appeals to me too." Spike raised one eyebrow questioningly and Xander explained, "He didn't tell me what he was gonna do when he dragged me in there under his arm. Scared the fuck outta me." Spike snickered at that and stubbed his cigarette out in the sink. "I remember. You smelled lovely -- all confusion and fear and just the tiniest bit of arousal. Delicious." He ran the cigarette butt under water before taking it to the trashcan and throwing it away. "Arousal?" Xander squeaked. "You're confusing me with some other helpless captive Angel tried to give you, Bleach Boy." He shook his head emphatically. "Turned on, I was not." Spike smirked and walked back to Xander. He pressed himself against Xander's body and kissed Xander hard and passionately. He heard Xander's heart rate speed up and his breathing catch as he reacted to Spike's tongue in his mouth, Spike's hands on his body, Spike's hips grinding against him. Spike bit Xander's bottom lip softly. "Sure, Xan. I believe you. None o' this has anything to do with wantin' me." He brushed his hips against Xander's half-hard cock. "I understand." Xander grinned and shoved Spike away. "Oh, shut up." He went into the living room and picked up the phone. "I've got some calls to make before we can go. Still want to leave tonight?" Spike shrugged. "Good a time as any. I'll pack," he said, and left the room. Xander made several phone calls; to his boss, his landlord, the utility company. He told them each whatever version of a 'family emergency out of state' story he thought they'd be most likely to believe. He told the landlord he could sell whatever furniture Xander left behind, in an attempt to placate the man for breaking the lease. The landlord calmed down considerably when he learned that Xander's large-screen TV was one of the things he was leaving. He called and left a message on Willow's machine, asking her to file a change-of-address card for him at the post office, telling her to have his mail sent to her. Xander knew she'd tell him when he called if he got anything important. He also asked her to say goodbye to the rest of the gang for him, apologizing for not taking the time to do it himself. Spike helped him pack, sorting through his stuff to decide what to take and what to leave behind. By the time they had everything sorted into 'trash' and 'take' piles, it was after sunset. Spike started carrying bags and boxes to Xander's car, while Xander packed a cooler with snacks and blood bags. He set the cooler by the door and started taking the trash to the dumpster. Finally, the apartment was empty, except for the furniture and the TV. "Shame to leave that behind, pet," Spike said, nodding toward the TV. "I know. But at least this way I don't feel so bad about skipping out on my lease." Xander shrugged. "It's not like we can take it with us anyway." "True." Spike watched Xander look around the apartment one last time. Wonder what he's thinkin' right now. "I keep thinking I should be less... excited about this whole thing." Xander turned to face Spike and noticed as he started in surprise at Xander's apparent reading of his mind. "What?" Spike shook his head. "Nothin'." He shifted from foot to foot, eager to be on the road, wanting to be gone before the Slayer wandered by and discovered what they were doing. "Why do you say that?" "I just keep thinking I should be sadder. About leaving the gang alone to deal with the Hellmouth, about not seeing my friends and family anymore." Xander stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at his feet. "I didn't even say goodbye to my folks." "Do you want to?" Spike asked reluctantly. Now that they'd decided to go, he just wanted to get the hell out of town. Xander shook his head. "Not really. It'll take 'em months just to notice I'm missing. It's not like we've ever been close." He made a face. "We haven't really talked since the wedding." Spike remembered Dawn telling him how Xander's father had made a drunken spectacle of himself at said wedding and snorted. "Not a great loss, far as I can tell." He threw an arm around Xander's shoulders and squeezed. "Enough broodin'. We're gonna see Angel tonight -- no sense gettin' a head start on the angst." Xander laughed at that. "You're right." He kissed Spike once and asked, "Ready to go L.A. and see your Daddy?" Rolling his eyes, Spike snorted. "Ready as I'll ever be." --- End (Someday, there will be a third one of these. I'm working on it.)